It has been a very eventful week. Actually, I had not intended to post this week as it would just make me very unhappy. However, I decided to overcome this short-term pain for long-term memories. Besides, I would be away for 2 weeks this time due to my field camp. I got injured during the grenade training this week. I have a deep cut on my lip. It bled for a long time but I refused to have it stitched up. Anyway, it is just a small cut. After the impact on my rifle, I felt like I was going bonkers, maybe just stunned by the impact. Now for the more serious event:

I composed the following at that moment which it happened.

Wednesday, 20th July 2005 (Sunny)
I was doing sentry duty while my friends were doing their range. And then the sms dropped on me like a bombshell. I had no preparation for it, nor any form of warning. It was like getting hit by a falling brick while walking on the streets. I was absolutely stumped by what happened. I even had to sit down for a few minutes to sort out my thoughts. Still finding no clue, I called her. I had to. And the things I heard, coming straight from her, was enough to force the once dormant tears into my eyes. I had nothing to say, for what she said was true. Every single word of it. I have been defeated by myself. I respect her decision, though my heart was utterly shattered.

I spent the next few minutes of my life thinking back, accompanied by the streams of tears which flowed down. I felt like a baby, who has just lost his toys. And I was supposed to be guarding the range. I looked toward the sky in a bid to stop the flow. My mind flashed back to the previous week, when everything was still normal. I wonder, I wonder. Why had it happned? What would it be like if I knew this were coming. What would I do? Now, everything has ended, with a few smses and a heart-wrenching phone call. Then I found peace while gazing at the sky. I realised that life has to go on. It's not the end of everything. I lost something, but I gained something too. I learnt a lesson. A valuable one. Take care and good luck for the future, my little one.

-End of Entry-

Sunday, July 24 2005 (Slight Drizzle)
If you are reading this, I just want to tell you that since the moment I asked you for another chance, I already know the answer. Things will never be the same anymore. I have got nothing else to say except, Thank You.

A new chapter of my life has just begun.......

Frankly speaking, I am really happy with life so far. I have made very good friends and have also seen the ugly side of human. The fact that rank speaks the loudest is evident in my platoon. Seriously, I am surprised at how big that person thinks he is. Big enough to order us around, can you imagine? I don't think you know what I am talking about, but never mind.

Super sad lo. Thought I could get silver for my IPPT. Looks like I can't, just yet. But my shooting is going very well. Have live firing next week. Hope I can get full marks.

I have a very strong love for chocolate lately. I even spent 45 mins in Giant today just to buy 2 bars of chocolates. Haha! I'm crazy, wasting my time on mainland Singapore buying chocolates.

Have been learning how to wash clothes recently too. Problem is my clothes always have white spots here and there, and it always become very hard and dry. Can't think of any solution. Time to ask for expert advice from my mum.

Surprise Surprise! I am back. Happened that my platoon is the recourse platoon plus the pilot drop outs. So no confinement! Good. Discipline is not as strict as before too. But training is hectic as we have to catch up with the other PTP platoons. I was totally knocked out last night.

Today when I went out for lunch with May, I accidentally dropped a piece of carrot onto my white shirt. Unluckily, there was sauce on it and it made a whole mess. Poor me! Had to work like with my arms folded. Eventually I bought the Newpaper to hide my embarrassing new pattern on my shirt.

Booking in soon. It will be a busy week. I will be back again next weekend.

Somehow or rather, I feel so much more excited about tomorrow. I can't feel a tinge of fear in me. Maybe of the fact that I know what to expect and I myself have gone through the worst training, that relieves me of all the negative feelings. More importantly, I have a goal now.

Kenny sms me just now to tell me that I will be in the same platoon as him. Apparently he saw the name list. How exciting! The last time we met was in Ayer Rajah Camp, and here we are again.

Have been doing stocktaking in Pasir Ris Camp. It was a funny feeling going back to where I spent my toughest days. All the sergeants have changed. Seeing the PTP recruits marching and singing those familiar songs made me realise how time flies. If I were to complete my BMT the other time, I would have been a CPL now. That is one of the reasons why I chose the tough route. Because I know that no matter how tough the going, it is only a very short phase, compared to a lifetime of satisfaction.

I enjoyed life for the past 3months. Time to go back. No hard feelings this time. Looking only to succeed where I once failed. See you in 2 weeks. *smiles*

Heard a piece of news which stopped my heartbeat for a second on Friday. I really should treasure everything around me more. It's still not enough. It will be too freaking late to regret once it's gone.

Today I packed my stuff for my recourse. A ton of things to bring. Am trying to recall the dawn to dusk sequence of events during my BMT. I cannot afford to forget to bring anything.

My last week in Selarang. Full of thoughts. Will take a closer look at things this week. In camp and out of camp. It is like embarking on a new chapter of life. Now I know what to expect when I go overseas for further studies next time. Now it's just for only 2 months. Peanuts.

This weekend has been better than the previous. Went for that sushi buffet again. Eat until I was still feeling bloated 6 hours later. Went for that Initial D movie also. Not a bad movie. Now I know why so many people are crazy over japanese comics and anime. Not a nice ending though. Expected a sweeter ending.

Everybody is fretting over the deaths of the 3 soldiers recently. All 3 of them are very fit yet...... That is the unpredictability which forces us to treasure life, as if today were the last day on Earth. If something bad were to happen to me, I would go an unhappy person, knowing that I have many things left undone. My condolences to the 3 guys. May God be with them. My mother told me not to push when I am in Tekong. That is not possible. I have to push to succeed. Everyone has to push. But I will take good care of myself. I will never allow anything to happen to me, not before I have fufilled my goals in life. Don't worry about me for those who are. I hope there are. Haha.