I can't seem to accept the fact that I am already 18. The lady at the chalet asked me if I was 18, and I thought about it for a while before giving a half-hearted positive. I don't know what is wrong with me. Looks as if I ave lost touch with my age. Can't be bothered about how old I am already. It is scary knowing that you are getting older and older.

The first day of the chalet was quiet. There were only 2 girls and me. What to do... I am the only guy with all the time in the world. Actually I didn't really mind. I brought my PS2 along and had an entire mattress to myself. Having a comfortable sleep is the most important thing. In the meantime, I learnt how to marinate chickens. That was a job I left to the girls in the past. So troublesome. Push the blood out, break their bones and massage them. So so so sadistic. And what's more? After torturing them, I have to make them comfortable by giving them a good rub. Psychotic. But it was fun. Haha! We made a mess of the toilet. YeS! the tOilET! We prepared the food there! And no... No diarrhoea after that.

The second day only became very lively in the evening. I think about 30 people were present and all of us had to crowd around a small area. Luckily our pit was at the corner. The food was great and I was super relieved there was enough food to go around. I ate about 6 wings when everyone was supposed to only have 3. Can't help it. I was HUNGRY. I was the water boy for the bbq too. The drinks container is a baby one. Only for 5 people to drink from. Sickening, had to keep making ribeena. Don't know how to spell it anyway.

The entire night was spent just talking and watching the guys play Star Wars. Ching Chui was talking to me about her investment company. Too good to be true. I didn't know that the returns are so high. It is so much more than the banks. It makes me feel silly putting my money in banks. Unfortunately, I have no movable money now, nor in the near future. They were also talking about university courses too. It is interesting, the fact that 10 yrs down the road, all of us would have different occupations, leading different lifestyles and handling different problems when all of us now are more or less the same. When I meet my friends 10 yrs later, do I want to be the most successful or the happiest? That is something to ponder about.

I spent the night sleeping on the floor! No pillow, just a thin sheet of blanket separating the cold floor and me. I am certain there is a swell on my head this morning. There was this sharp pain at the back of my head too. Came and gone. The ground during my field camp was much softer and I have more space. I remember stepping on Robin's head. I didn't know he was sleeping just at my feet. And Aaron was sleeping just beside me. Suddenly, I was surrounded and had to curl myself up and sleep.

I have guard duty tomorrow night again. Have to bring lots of things. *sigh* Last one for the month though.

Honour of honours! Reward of rewards! I got in! They accepted yours truly! I did not expect a reply so fast. I thought it will only come in June. The letter was on my bedside table. My heart skipped a bit. Now what is that thing doing there? I was positive I did not put my previous NUS letters there. It was slit open, obviously someone opened it before I came home. It was quite a thick envelope of papers. The first thought which came to me was I got in. Otherwise it would just be a piece of paper stating that I am rejected. It did not occur to me that I might be accepted into other faculties. I was not calm enough to think of that. I took out the stack of papers. Ok, I did not see them before. It was fresh from the letter box. Then I saw the word 'Congratulations!'...... Congratulate me for wat? I lifted it higher and I saw LAW. I dropped down onto my chair. An uncontrollable smile leaked out. The hard work I put into studying, the interview which I was late for, the written test which I somehow mis-interpreted a part wrongly- I passed them all. And I was so damn proud of myself. So damn freaking proud of myself. This is the feeling of satisfaction every student worked so hard for. This is the greatest reward. Not a playstation, not a new handphone, but this! To study what you have dreamt of studying. To have a future nicely laid out for you. This is wonderful and I am ecstatic.

I went out with Siyun and Hao Ting just now. They brought me to explore Orchard Road! Wow! I didn't know where every building was. I can't recognise those tall buildings. They all look the same to me, especially at night. Talked crap with them again. Back to my old ways. I'm not sure if there are lawyers who talk crap too, or are they very serious people with no space for humour. I can't imagine myself being a lawyer. I took a wrong train on my way home. I missed the City Hall stop and I just dashed across the platform to another train at Raffles' Place. I ended up at Tanjong Pagar. *Diaow* What is happening to me? I think I am evolving into a Sotong. I can't imagine myself putting on a straight and not-blur face in court. Never mind, it will soon happen. Soon.....

Finally I can have a long good sleep tonight, before busying myself with the bbq preparations tomorrow. Why is it always me? Just because I eat the most doesn't mean I have to prepare right? Or do I?

I don't find it convenient to reveal my office habits here. Some people might see you know. Anyway, today my butt hurt suddenly. There was this sharp pain which comes and go and impedes my walking. Luckily it lasted for just a while. Strange place for muscle cramp ya?

Today I went for a class outing with... the gals! Never never did I expect them to walk around after eating. Oh dear, what else do girls do when they walk around? Right, shopping. Worse still, all the shops which interersts me have closed. *sigh* But the situation in the neoprint booth was fun! Haha! Told them I didn't want to take. Knowing myself, I will only cause havoc inside. And I did! Moving here and there and fidgeting about, playing with the buttons and everything I can think of. Destruction can be beautiful as well. Haha. Anyway, the glass house is an interesting place. Live music and dim lighting. Perhaps if they re-locate to a place near the sea, it would be a truly romantic place.

Today my meals were very oily. I can still feel the oil in my tummy. Yucks! I am never going to go near oily food for 2 days! Until the day of bbq. Haha. Tomorrow is the last day standing between me and the glorious glorious weekend. Run time run!

So many people asked me why am I not signing on. What for? I don't like life in army and I don't find anything interesting about it. At least it does not interest me. Just because I have the qualifications to be an officer doesn't mean I should sign on right? I want to go OCS just to experience the different type of training and add another achivement to my list. Of course I will be sad if I don't make the cut. And if that happens, I will be contented to return to Selarang and pass time.

I found a Guang Liang CD in my hi-fi yesterday. I think it belongs to my sister, but I just played it anyway. Oh boy, he still sound the same after so many years. I thought his voice would have turned coarser or something. His voice is still as boyish but nice! His buddy Ping Guan and him really reminds me of my Sec School life. I first listened to them in Sec2 and I remember posing as one of them for a Teacher's Day item. That was just the beginning. The next event I can remember is the OBS part when I brought their CD to Ubin. After a whole day of physical activities, it was simply heavenly just having them soothing my mind. Woah..... And nothing happened when I was showering. No, nothing. All was quiet and peaceful. Then I remember giving Guang Liang's CD to SiYun. Haha! Don't know what happened to the CD. It's just full of memories la. I remember listening to a programme on 933 a few days ago. They were appealing for people to come forward and talk about their most memorable song and the story behind it. Well, if I were to call, I can talk non-stop till night. But..... Nah, I am not into this kind of thing. Actually only a couple of songs actually have stories behind them. But there's too much to say.

It is mystifying isn't it? That a song can capture so much memories. It's like a memory sponge. But it doesn't happen everytime unfortunately. However, if it does, that memory will stay with you for as long as you have that song. Try it!

I am actually wondering if I am mad. My officer had actually wanted me to take me out of my next BMT. He did not want me to go back. But I told him I wanted to go back. I am sure many people would think there is some screw loose in me. I told my officer I did not want to stay as a mere soldier. I wanted to fly high. He agreed to let me go and told me to shine in whatever I do, in order to qualify for OCS. I will try, otherwise my time in BMT would be wasted. Another piece of motivation to drive me on. Not bad.

No. I don't like people to this to me. It is not a nice feeling to be unappreciated after so many things I have done. It is a rotten feeling to be at fault even though you have tried your best. I am tired.

DI YI CI

dang ni kan zhe wo
wo mei you kai kou yi bei ni cai tou
hai shi mei ba wo
hai shi mei you fu he
ni de yao qiu

(,")
shi wo zi ji xiang de tai duo
hai shi ni ye zai shan duo
ru guo zhen de xuan ze shi wo
wo gu qi yong qi qu jie shou
bu zhi bu jue rang shi xian kai shi shan shuo

(",)
O di yi ci wo shuo ai ni de shi hou
hu xi nan guo xin bu ting de chan dou
O di yi ci wo qian qi ni de shuang shou
shi qu fang xiang bu zhi gai wang na er zou
na shi yi qi xiang ai de li you
na shi yi qi si shou
O di yi ci wen ni sheng sheng de jiu wo
xiang yao qing xing que chong hun le tou
O di yi ci ni tang zai wo de xiong kou
24 xiao shi mei you fen kai guo
na shi di yi ci zhi dao tian chang di jiu

Repeat (,")

gan jue ni shu yu wo, gan jue ni de yan mo
di yi ci jiu jue ding, jue bu hui cuo

Repeat (",)

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Tong Hua reminds me of another of my favourite songs. Sung by the same person. I remember I was totally mesmerised by this song several years ago.

Flickering lights. Rustling of leaves. Slight drizzle. Occasional flashes of lightning. Dark walkways. Mosquitoes and insects. Smell of a day's worth of perspiration. Life-size figure of a man at a blind corner. Strange noises in the bushes. Partner smelling a smell only familiar at Malay funerals. All in a day's work.

Well, I'm glad it's over. Presumably my last weekend duty for a long time. Next weekend is going to be interesting. Having a barbeque! Oooh.... By the way I broke a record yesterday. I skipped breakfast, lunch and dinner yesterday. Anyone surprised? Oh... How I ate when I came back home. My eating patterns are becoming irregular. I only when I have the mood in the army. However, I eat regardless of mood outside. No wonder my stomach has been feeling very strange these few weeks.

I have come to a point when I have nothing much to do at home anymore. Well, except to clear my room. All I want to do is to go out and see the world. It is something new. Something different from what I have been doing. I read many books and every book shows a side of the outside world. I don't want to stop at accepting other people's opinions of things. I want to go out and experience things as well as form my own opinion. I guess this is at the top of my list of the things I want to do. No matter how comfortable home might be, I am just wasting time here. It's like the chinese saying: sitting in a well looking at the sky. Haha. That is just seeing a very small part of the sky isn't it?

Friday the 13th~! Anything bad happened to anyone today? Well, something happened to me! I was seriously injured this morning while playing soccer! Haha. I got a small bruise and a cut just above my nose. Seriously injured! That is a bad start to the day.... Luckily that's the end of my Friday the 13th.

I learnt how to set up a tent today. It's those large ones, used for officers to plan stuff. Very troublesome and it was super hot this afternoon. Even the poles were burning. It was a good excuse to take off my No4. I never liked wearing it anyway. It is very tight at the biceps there. Haha! So I worked half naked and I enjoyed it. Really. Gives me a feel of my BMT days when we marched half naked. I love the feeling of the sun on my bare body and the sweat on rolling down. Makes me feel very refreshed! Don't know how to explain la. I didn't know I enjoy it until this year. Strange. That is why it is good to try new things. You never know what you really like until you try everything.

My arm muscles are aching slightly now. I was training my diamond push-ups in the office just now. Think I over-exerted those rusty muscles le. It is a good thing though. Only when it aches, will it expand. Serious! Another lesson from BMT. I've already started my own training of my arm muscles. It is so so so important. But that eczema thing is getting on my nerves. It impedes in everything I do la! Idiot.

Guard duty tomorrow! Wow. Anyway, had a great dinner last night. (Piggy)

TONG HUA

wang le you duo jiu
zai mei ting dao ni
dui wo shuo ni
zui ai de gu shi
wo xiang le hen jiu
wo kai shi huang le
shi bu shi wo
you zuo cuo le shen me

(",)
ni ku zhe dui wo shuo
tong hua li dou shi pian ren de
wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi
ye xu ni bu hui dong
cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou
wo de tian kong xin xin dou liang le

(,")
wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

Repeat (",) and (,")

wo yao bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

wo hui bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju
yi qi xie wo men de jie ju

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I don't have a habit of listening to the lyrics of songs. The only thing which attracts me is the melody of the songs. That is why I love instrumentals. But some songs have very meaningful lyrics, or should I say, touching lyrics. The one above perhaps? It adds to the melody of the song. It brings a song to life. It creates a story and setting for the song. All of the classical melodies also have a theme and story behind them. Perhaps this is what music is all about, and I have failed to realise it until now. I will pay more attention to the lyrics of songs in future. That is a promise.

Argh.. My head hurt after running today. And my stamina is not up to standard today. Think not enough fluid in my body. I keep forgetting to have a water parade before I sleep every night. Haha! It's really comical you know, water parades. Haha. We used to have one every night back in PRC and we had to stamp our left foot. The funny thing is we always wore slippers and imagine the sound of 50 people banging their slippers. Damn funny. I still remember accidentally hitting someone's water bottle downstairs, while stamping my foot. It was a full one some more. Can't stop laughing after that. Very bad eh?

I watched Finding Nemo just now. I badly needed some entertainment to ease the pain in my head. Dory was damn cute! Can't stand her. She reminds me of myself somehow. Haha.. The childish side of me. Well, that side of me has faded away I think. Army trains men ya? I am no more a boy.

Haven been sleeping late recently, catching up with friends and stuff. I really enjoy talking about the good old days and all the funny things which happened. Somehow, it takes my mind off everything else. Not that I am troubled or what. I just don't like the feeling of emptiness in me. I have nothing to look forward to except the arrival of a certain letter from NUS and my next BMT. Strange huh? Why would anyone look forward to BMT. But it's a lifeline to save my NS life by at least achieving something during these 2 years. It would be regrettable to end my first 20 years with zero accomplishment.

The past few days had been quite hectic for me. My friday night was burned because I had to guard the camp *rolls eyes*, and I had no time left to organise anything for the chalet. I didn't even have the time to sms everyone and slowly wait for their replies. Knowing them, they might not even reply at all. What's more? I was 100% sure there was going to be a mobilisation on Saturday. Everything had already been set up for the mobilisation by friday night. Did anyone see the green man on tv last saturday? No right? Whew! I went home to sleep till about 2pm. If there were any mob, I would have been late. And that means 7 extra guard duties I think. Lucky me.

I realised it is also very entertaining just sitting down and listening to gossips. That's what the girls treated me to during the chalet. I am really mystified as to how so much information managed to find their way to girls! Or maybe they went to dig it out themselves. Haha. I was living in my own world during JC. Come to think of it, JC was like a circus to me. So many interesting people and so many funny things. That is the kind of place for me. I cant live without laughing, but apparently I seldom laugh in the army now. I cant possibly laugh at the officers or tanks right? Boring.

Anyway, I enjoyed yesterday's chalet, although there wasn't any bbq and not everyone was there. Actually my intention was just to go there and catch up with one another. Too bad all of them weren't free to stay over, except Shi Hong and his gang. We played PS2 like nobody's business lo. Yesterday also reminded me of another episode a few years back. Daren and I stayed in the chalet alone like some gays. Haha! If I remember correctly, we had to go to school for a test the next day, so we just stayed while the rest went back. And we talked. That's what friends are for right? Talked about everything la. Wonderful night and we managed to wake up in time somehow.

I don't know about you guys, but when I'm alone, I tend to think about myself, my life and what I want. My past 18 years have been wonderful! I have achieved I wanted to achieve and I even travelled the world when I was a little boy. My only regret was not learning a musical instrument. Now that I am in the army, I have plenty of time to think about my adulthood. Seriously, I haven't come to a conclusion yet. I have an idea of what type of life I want to lead, but I don't know how to go about doing that. Being a lawyer has always been my dream, but I wonder secretly if that sort of work environment is what I want. One must have some goal in life, but I have yet to find mine. When I do, I shall tell you guys. In the meantime, I just want to work hard and be good enough for OCS when I complete my next BMT.

Have been out for the past 3 days. Wow! 3 days of holidays just flashed past me.

Anyway, I was half an hour late for the law interview. Hahahaha. Guess what happened? I wasn't allowed in. Crap.. No la, just joking. They didn't seem to mind. Nice people there. There was a professor and AP interviewing me and they asked me questions I did not htink of. Stuff like how TJ achieve its goals, about project work and about the commando drowning incident. Well, they are testing us on how well we form our opinions and that it is not contradictory or have any flaws. honestly, my heart was beating like nobody's business during the interview. I only recovered 10 minutes after the interiew. They just kept asking and asking and I had to be quick and precise in my answers. Not easy.

The written test was about giving our opinion on whether this certain paragraph should be added into one of the laws. Not difficult to form an opinion. But not easy to justify it so well that it stands out from the 500+ scripts handed in. I did my best and now I leave it all to God. I just found out the interview and written test takes up 50% of the admission points for law. Quite a high weightage.

Actually this month is super exciting. I have 2 chalets coming up. I met up with my class guys today. And there are 2 long holidays as well as the prospect of receiving a reply from nus. Not to mention I have 3 guard duties this month too. Spoils everything man. I am going to buy a chain to chain my belongings to my body.

I have a medical tomorrow. It determines whether I will go back bmt. I want to stay in heaven(Selarang Camp) but I also want to try for OCS. My thoughts have changed. I don't mind chionging for OCS now. Slacking in the army as a lowly soldier is nothing fun.