It has been a short but sweet 2-day break. I enjoyed it more than the previous years. But the thought of going back tonight always puts me off. The thought of going to Tekong next week is worse. My mother told me not to think of it, but easier said than done. I have been feeling very tired and restless these few days. Not sure of the reason though. Perhaps I lack exercise or perhaps I lack the mental stamina to go on. It's only one more month of BMT and I will be partly free from the shackles of army life. I know it but I can't use it as a motivation. The past 1.5 months was an arduous and long journey. I was like a fish out of water, unable to adapt to my new surroundings too. I felt trapped in camp, physically and mentally. When I'm out, I still feel the effects of the imprisonment. Inertia is it? Life has never been so dull, so uninteresting, so terrible. Time had better fly faster, before I lose grip of myself.

My posts recently have been very sad and well, sad. But I can't think of anything happy to post about. The only happy times are when I'm with my family or May and maybe sleeping. These are the only times when I feel I can be myself again, not feeling restricted, stressed or lethargic. But happy times end while I can't see the end of unhappy times yet. I really yearn for a social gathering to let off some steam. I yearn for my body to recover quickly and meet the expectations of commando training. I yearn for my old self to re-occupy my lifeless body. So many things, yet so little time.

Half an hour more before I book in again. Precious half hour.