Family

I don't know where to start. It took me quite long to ponder about things. Look at it from different angles and find the best way to deal with it.

When I was a boy, I went sailing around the world with my family. That was the happiest time of my life. No worries, except of what toys to buy next. My sister was left in Singapore as she was still a baby. My father, mother and I were very close. After several years, we settled down in Singapore. Throughout my primary school, I was close to both of them. I remember battling it out with my father in computer games. I remember playing board games with my mother. Both were very active in my life. Then things started to go wrong.

There was a big quarrel between them at one time. And I was scared. I have never seen them so fierce in my life. From then on, I saw them drift. Gradually, I became closer to my mum. On a normal day, my father would be in his study all day while my mum would be in her bedroom. At that point of time, I was too young to understand what was going on. I was also torn apart by that situation. In secondary school, workload has increased. Bogged down by this, I drifted away from them too. After school, I would be in my room. Occasionally, I would think of the big disparity in our relationship as compared to the past. As I grew older, common sense enlightened me. I knew that the family wasn't going to be the same anymore.

I always think that I am very lucky. I have almost everything I could dream for. I don't envy others. Perhaps it is due to the influence of time, that I don't feel that a family shouldn't be like this. There should be more communication, more laughter, more fun. I only realised it after I enlisted.

Shaken by the new lifestyle, I turned to my mum for support. My father also encouraged me. I never took notice of the things my parents have done for me before. But when I was down, it was clear to me. Despite their coldness to each other, their treatment of me never changed, although we spent less time together. For the first time, I felt the warmth of a family. I knew I could fall back on my family. This never occured to me for many many years. They have a strange way of showing their love. Most parents might bring their children out for outings, give them hugs and kisses, play with them. My parents show their love in a different way. They love me but do not know how to go about doing it. So they try to give way to me everytime. Whatever I mentioned, they would take note and try to satisfy me.

A few months back, my mum told me that they actually divorced years ago. My world froze for a moment. I was shocked, but in the meantime relly touched by the sacrifices they made. I mean, they could have gone on to lead their own lives after the separation. That's what many people would do. Instead, they chose to continue living under the same roof, and keep the otherwise devastating news from us. At 19, I understand that divorce might be a solution to them. However at 13, I might not be able to accept it. To me, it was a huge sacrifice on their part and I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. Although we have not been close as a family should be, the overwhleming love I received from them makes me feel really small.

Nevertheless, the news still came as a blow to me. The day would come when eventually, the family would have to split, but I find solace in knowing that I was never shortchanged in the love I deserve from my parents. Now, the only thing in my mind is to spend as much time at home as possible. I have never been so drawn towards my family before. And I have never considered their feelings. I always say that we should treasure the things with have now. Well, I am treasuring every second I have with them. It is a pity I didn't do this earlier.

Sadly, while doing this, I might not have the time and attention to do other things. I apologise for my selfish act. But, in my heart now, my family is first priority. I hope you understand.

With the things happening around me, I ought to be depressed. I looked at it from another point of view though, and it makes me happy instead.